Slowing Down, Listening, & Behavior
I remember as a child when my parents would ask me how my day was. Most the time, my standard answer was “fine”. Looking back on it, I’m sure they wished I would had said more. But I recall thinking that they would overreact or just simply wouldn’t understand.
Fast forward to today as a father myself, I aspire to have a relationship with my children where they feel comfortable sharing more than just “fine”. I believe that if our children feel like we truly hear them and take the time to listen, they will be more likely to share with us. My biggest challenge is slowing down to listen to them. It’s something I’ve had to truly develop (and still am).
If I can slow myself down more, I find it so much easier to connect with my children. It helps me to actually “show up” and in turn, I almost always see an immediate shift in my children’s behavior and desire to communicate with me.
Lately, I’ve tried to ask myself these questions before coming home from work to greet my family. Sometimes I even have to sit in the car for a few minutes to think about these before I enter the house. It really helps me to reset from a day’s work.
Can you use your pause button to bring your deepest attention every time you interact with your family today?
What do you need to do for yourself today so that you can slow down enough to really hear your child?
How does your child's behavior change when you slow down and really listen?
This may seem overly simple, but it’s the single most important thing I believe I can do as a parent.
Slow down, so I can listen.
That's it. Just slow down and pay attention.
So what does that actually look like? He’s some examples that give it some context:
Pause for 2 seconds before you take any action around your children.
Notice the sensations in your body.
Linger longer with each hug.
Savor the light glinting on your child's hair.
Look your child in the eye when he/she speaks.
Breathe. Notice your breath.
Notice that an upset tone is a plea to be heard.
Listen for the meaning under the words.
Notice that everything your child says is code for "Please love me."